The original letters from Ethel were published in the Butterfly Chronicles from 1997-1999. Below are a few samples. If you wish to write Ethel for advice for yourself or for a friend you may email her at: ethel@atthebutterflytree.com.
Ethel will answer you privately and seriously by snail mail for $10 or publicly, tongue-in-cheek, by email, for $5.
Mail requests with check to:
P.O. Box 790
Sausalito, CA 94966.

Dear Butterfly Chronicles,

     Perhaps you think I was kidding last issue when I told you not to publish my wife's poetry, and that you'd better send them back to me or I'd sue you. You have not sent them back, and I know she's writing love poems because I found them rolled up in some old sweatpants in the back of the car. (she'd been out to Muir Beach and had one of your magazines rolled up with the poems.) I asked her about them and she admitted she mailed some to you. I'm warning you to send them back!

An Anonymous Husband
Millerbrae, CA

Dear Anonymous Husband,
     Yes I did receive some poems written by an "anonymous wife". I include them here below and return them to you. I'm afraid they are the kind of poems I do not publish.

"passionate, naked profound
and prudently.
I leap to join you
on the beach, on the beach

It's never the same on the beach
You're always in reach
on the beach

And that's why I love you.
You're not puny
on the beach "

by an Anonymous Wife

Thank you for your interest.

The Anonymous Editor

Dear Karla Andersdatter,
     I scanned the Butterfly Chronicles and was again impressed with your initiatives in life. You simply don't give up or give in as some of us who shall remain nameless have been prone to do. The poetry most impressed me, especially the one that ended with "sometimes I wish that I were a carburetor".

Raphael Burdman
Montreal, Canada

Dear Raphael,
     Your short story is on p. 9 in this issue.

Thanks
The Editors

Dear Ethel,
     My girlfriend has very bad manners. It embarasses me to go anywhere with her. She doesn't dress nicely, and often goes out in jeans and sweat shirts when I want to wear a suit and tie and have an intimate lunch at an elegant restaurant. She has a loud nasal voice that is difficult to listen to and impossible to ignore. After we eat she sits and picks her teeth, while I am having my dessert. However she doesn't smoke or drink, and eats perfect, healthy meals, never ordering dessert like I do.(These qualities are important to me since I am a runner.) I don't want to dump her but I don't really like to go out with her, and find it hard to listen to her voice. How can I get her to change these qualities?

Richard R.

Dear Richard R
     Ask her to write down what she wants you to change about yourself, and then, after she does, if you still want to be together give her this letter. It sounds to me like the two of you are a perfect match!

Ethel

Dear Ethel,
     How did you get your job? I would like to write your column next month, and give it a more masculine view.

Elbert D.

Dear Elbert D.,
     Next month it's yours. I look forward to it.

Ethel

Dear Elbert,
     After a dozen memorable years of marriage, I feel an ever-deepening commitment to my wife and the sanctity of our vows. However, nearly a year ago, I acquired a young, attractive and highly intelligent girlfriend. Then recently my regular escort service sent me an exotic beauty whose technique and charm have transported me to heights of ecstasy I never dreamed possible. Unfortunately, she too seems to find me irresistible. And has offered to stop seeing other clients. Thinking I'm single, she's even gone so far as to hint that she may not be averse to my trying to make an honest woman of her. In fact, she's begun to sound a lot like my girlfriend. Marriage pressures aside, my main problem is that I can no longer afford the time or money to pursue a meaningful and mutually rewarding relationship with each of these wonderful women. What should I do?

Overextended

Dear Overextended,
     Honesty is the best policy. If you would just take the trouble to share your dilemma with the three current women in your life, I'm sure you'll find yourself with plenty of time on your hands. And plenty of use for them too. As for money, your palimony payments should leave you with very little time to worry.

Ethel

Dear Ethel,
     I can see your new writer, Elbert has given up the ship. Why do people start things and never finish them? I was looking forward to a male point of view for this column. Now I have to settle for the same old drivel you always write. I've heard it all anyway, and I can't think why you keep on writing this column. Why don't you get a real job - like cooking breakfast in a restaurant or something.

Disgusted and Disappointed

Dear Disgusted and Disappointed,
     I am assuming that you are a pair of twins, sort of like Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum, of Lewis Carroll fame. I must admit, I don't think it makes a difference whether a man or woman writes this column. Elbert may or may not make an appearance in later issues. Perhaps he got a job in a restaurant as a cook,as you suggested, or maybe he is teaching French in an Icelandic School for Whales, or maybe he has just fallen in love again. We are terribly sorry to disappoint you, but I am not privie to the workings of Elbert's mind. After all, he is only my husband of 34 years. May I suggest that since you've `heard it all, anyway', that you stop listening to anyone else, buy a pair of earphones, and a set of Norwegian language tapes, and learn something in another language, so you can express yourself in a different manner. As for why it is that people start and don't finish, I can think of a multitude of reasons: they may have had a heart attack, they may be morally weak and incomplete, they might have gone on an African Safari, or maybe they passed away. In the future, we would appreciate a `kinder, gentler', attitude if you wish to write to us again. Otherwise, your letter may find itself in the basura!

Sincerely,
Ethel

Dear Ethel,
     My father has invited us to his 5th wedding, and to be honest with you. I don't want to go. I'm 45 years old, and his oldest daughter. I went to the first four marriages, but I think at this point it's meaningless for me to attend. After all there is a limit to being a spectator, even though I was his most avid fan as a child. Now I understand why my mother got divorced. Besides, I myself am a grand mother-to-be next month, and I can't get interested in the progressive marriages of men over sixty-five. Would it be terribly rude not to attend? What excuse can I make?

Too Old To Be a Daughter

Dear Too Old,
     Rudeness often has to do with point-of-view, rather than manners. If you cannot in good conscience attend with interest and good spirit, I would recommend you tell him you are going to a birthing class with his grand daughter on that day, and since you can't be two places at once, you've chosen to spend your time with your daughter, and the upcoming grand daughter, which actually will be his great grand daughter! If he's any kind of a Dad, he'll get the point.

Ethel

Dear Ethel,
     One of my neighbors complained that the Butterfly Chronicles wrote only about the earth and that it was all very female. "Men are interested in the universe and the galaxies!" he said. What do you think?

Annoyed

Dear Annoyed,
     Maybe your neighbor is right, and maybe that is what has happened to our Earth, and why we live in a world of pollution and overcrowding.

Ethel

Dear Ethel,
     I like the Butterfly Chonicles, and I want to respond to the woman who was a Language Phobic Mom,but I'm afraid I have no answer as to what to do about children cursing and calling names. I guess it depends on the age of the children. I do want to share a story with you that truly happened at a local daycare several years ago. The two year olds were a tight bunch, and played well together, all 6 of them. One day one of them came to school with a new word: BUTTHEAD. His father had been watching a well known show on television. Soon the rest of the boys and girls were calling each other "butthead", after which they fell into gales of laughter over the new word. Soon everyone was a butthead, including the teachers, the visitors, the parents, etc. No one could seem to change their delight at this new word. The teachers tried hard to ignore the word, tried to explain that it wasn't a good name to call your friends, but the two year olds would have none of it. One day the two year old called Avery, went back East to see his Grandmother for the first time. You guessed it! He stepped off the plane, looked Grandma in the eye and said,"Hi Butthead!", and then fell into gales of laughter. Now my question is, what should the Grandmother do next?

Sally Butkis

Dear Sally,
     I think the Bad Language Phobic Mom should answer your letter.

Ethel

Dear Readers,
     This letter was written by a 12 year old girl to fulfill a classroom assignment in Social Studies, It was sent to me by her aunt. I think it is an interesting reflection of Society, and thought it would give you something to think about. The names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Sincerely, Ethel

DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT TAKE THIS FOR JUNK MAIL!

Dear resident,
     Hello, my name is M----- S------. I am in walking distance from your house. OH, AND DON'T WORRY. I'm not stalking you. In fact around 50 other houses have received this same letter and I'm not stalking them either. Anyway, I am a seventh grader going to D------- School. I have been required to do a project helping the immigrants in S-------. My fellow group members and I have decided to donate a garbage can of food (that doesn't go bad) to a food bank that focuses on helping the immigrants. If you have any food that has been sitting on your shelf for as long as you can remember and you're positive you're never going to need it, I can take it off your hands. I guess this letter is basically asking for a donation, but it's absolutely fine if you don't. A couple cans of soup would help a lot! I also promise you I won't eat the food myself, no matter how tempted I am. If you want to help, just call, (phone number given in original letter), and ask for M---- S------. As soon as I get your call I'll be over the next day. PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! HELP FILL UP THE GARBAGE CAN!

Sincerely yours,
M------ S-------

P.S. This letter may have seemed humorous but that is only to relieve any pressure of absolutely having to donate.

Dear Ethel,
     I heard about the editorial policy of the Butterfly Chronicles at the mailboxes yesterday. Your policy states that if you like it well enough to type it up, you'll print it. I' m not sure you will get the best kind of literature if we use that guideline. I would like to suggest you do not allow any four letter words. How much do you pay your authors?

Rena Mefulwarts

Dear Rena Mefulwarts,

     I thought about your suggestion about not using four letter words, but when I tried it out on your letter, I realized that if I had left out all the four letter words, your letter would have looked like this:

"I heard about the editorial policy of the Butterfly Chronicles at the mailboxes yesterday. Policy states if you it enough to it up you'll print it. I'm not you get the of literature if we use guidelines. I would to suggest you do not allow any letter words. How do you pay authors?"

     I hope you can see how it could distort meaning if we leave them out. We don't pay authors, I mean really, whatever gave you the idea that authors get paid? And why should they get paid, just sitting around thinking up trouble all day. We will give you a free ad and a free copy of your work for heaven sake!

Yours truly,
Ethel